Learning to Say No


No. Negative. Nope. Nah. Not going to happen. 

These are some of my least favorite words. For many reasons, I've never been a fan of saying no. Maybe its because it closes an opportunity or goes against my desire to help people, but I just don't like doing it. Its not to say that I can't say no; I learned very quickly growing up that always saying yes lets people walk all over you. I just like to help people if I can, especially when it comes to my career in teaching. 

I thought I had done a pretty decent job saying no, but recent health developments this year has shown me that I still have a lot of work to do. 

In November of last year, I was diagnosed with systemic sclerosis, also known as scleroderma. Scleroderma is a rare autoimmune disease where the body overproduces collagen that builds up in the body. The systemic type means it builds up in your organs, not just the skin. They don’t know what causes it or how to cure it.  Previously, I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so I thought this new diagnosis wouldn’t affect me much; turns out that I was wrong.

It was a very challenging school year as I struggled to find a balance in my life to keep myself healthy. Thankfully, I had already finished my Master’s degree so that was one less thing on my plate and I was able to say no to some things, like presenting at edtech conferences and staying as late at work.

But as I worked through the emotional side of the diagnosis, I found myself using work as a distraction. My focus remained on my students, my classroom, and my extracurricular clubs, which meant that I continued to say yes to things. Yes, we can help at Relay for Life. Yes, I can do that in my classroom. Yes, we can take a trip to UC Merced. Yes, we can do the Blood Drive. Yes, yes, yes. This isn’t to say that my administrators were pressuring me to do these things; in fact, they told me multiple times that I was allowed to say no to things, even if they asked.

The constant yes’s on my part where resulting in more weekends spent in bed, more pain, and little energy. It didn’t really hit me until my boyfriend, who has been with me since the initial fibromyalgia diagnosis, told me that I wasn’t saying no to enough things and that he and others were worried. Initially I didn’t really believe him until I took his advice and said that I couldn’t proctor the CAASPP test. My vice principal told me that he was proud of me for saying no and one of the secretaries gave me a high five.

Oh.

Turns out my boyfriend was right.

Now, as I prepare for my seventh year of teaching, I will be working on saying no to things. It isn’t to say that I’m suddenly going to become a toddler and just scream no at everyone, but I do need to prioritize my health and well being so I can continue to do what I love, which is teaching.

This blog post has been a few months in the making as I’ve debated about sharing my diagnosis publicly. Since June is Scleroderma Awareness month, I felt this was the perfect time to finally publish this post. For more information about scleroderma you can visit the Scleroderma Foundation website.



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